How Long Should You Date Before Getting Engaged?

If you’ve ever found yourself scrolling through engagement photos and wondering when it’ll be your turn, you’re not alone.

Between endless swipes, first dates that don’t go past dinner, and situationships that blur all sense of time, modern dating can feel like a marathon without a finish line. Somewhere between “good morning” texts and sharing your Netflix password, the question creeps in: how long is too long to date before getting engaged?

The truth is, no one really knows. Some couples swear by the one-year rule, others wait five. Society loves timelines, “If he hasn’t proposed after two years, he never will”, but anyone who’s been in love knows relationships don’t always follow a script.

So, instead of guessing, we went straight to the source. We asked people about how they’ve been navigating love, commitment, and everything in between, and what they believe about engagement timing. How long is too long to date before saying yes to forever?

Their answers were honest, funny, and some, brutally real. From people who believe in taking their time to others who think love has an expiration date, the diversity of opinions revealed something deeper: maybe it’s not about the calendar at all.

Because in the end, the question “how long is too long to date?” isn’t really about time, but readiness, connection, and the certainty that you’ve found someone you can build forever with.

The Myth of the Perfect Timeline

At some point in every serious relationship, the question sneaks in like an uninvited guest: “So… when is he proposing?”

It might come from a curious aunt at Christmas, your best friend during brunch, or, let’s be honest, from your own late-night thoughts. In a world where love stories unfold on Instagram reels, it’s hard not to wonder, How long is too long to date before things move forward?

Society has sold us the idea that love should follow a predictable path: date for a year, get engaged the next, wedding bells the year after. Anything shorter seems rushed, anything longer looks suspicious. But relationships don’t come with expiration dates or universal rules. The truth is, the “perfect timeline” is more myth than manual.

Still, the pressure is real. When everyone around you seems to be getting engaged, it’s easy to measure your own relationship against theirs. You start calculating, two years together, one apartment, multiple vacations, shouldn’t a ring have shown up by now? That creeping anxiety often leads to the big question: how long is too long to date someone who says they love you but hasn’t proposed?

The problem with timelines is that they focus on time spent, not growth shared. Two people can date for six months and know they’ve found their match, while another couple might take five years to truly understand each other. Yet, social media has made it feel like there’s an invisible stopwatch running in every relationship.

But love isn’t a checklist. It’s a rhythm, sometimes slow and steady, other times fast and certain. The real question isn’t how long is too long to date, but how long does it take to know you’re ready, truly?

The Great Debate: How Long Is Too Long to Date?

When we threw the question “How long should you date before getting engaged?” out to our social media community, the responses were as diverse as Nigerian jollof recipes; everyone swore their answer was the “right” one.

For some, a few months is plenty. For others, anything less than five years sounds like rushing into trouble. If anything, our little experiment proved one thing loud and clear: when it comes to love, no two timelines look alike.

Across the responses, people gave answers ranging from three months to eight years, yes, eight whole years. It’s a reminder that the idea of how long is too long to date depends deeply on culture, experience, and personality.

In some African settings, for example, long courtships are seen as maturity, proof that both families have taken time to understand each other. But in today’s fast-paced world, many believe that kind of waiting is unnecessary and outdated.

The Fast Track: “You Know When You Know”

For a surprising number of people, love doesn’t need a five-year test run. Six months to a year, they said, is more than enough time to decide. One respondent put it plainly:

“In my opinion, six months is enough. No human can pretend for up to a year, and six years just feels like a time waster.”

A few others had the same sentiment, arguing that consistency matters more than duration. If you talk daily, meet families early, and share the same values, what are you really waiting for? Another respondent said:

“The focus for me is the consistency both parties have put into the relationship… Six months of knowing each other is enough.”

These respondents represent the new generation of decisive daters, people who believe love doesn’t have to drag. These people argue that the question of how long is too long to date depends less on the calendar and more on clarity. And honestly, there’s logic there: if you’re both ready, waiting could feel like fear disguised as caution.

The “You’ll Never Know Everything” Camp

Another group took a more interesting approach. These people believe that no matter how long you date, marriage will always introduce new layers. As one female social media user wrote,

“No matter how long you date a person, you can never really know them until you know them.”

For this group, how long is too long to date isn’t the real question; it’s about emotional readiness. These people see marriage not as the end of discovery but the beginning. Another social media respondent added,

“You can’t know someone entirely, even for a lifetime. Marriage is a compromise.”

It’s a perspective grounded in realism and faith, that what truly sustains love isn’t years spent, but the willingness to grow through the unknowns.

The Sweet Spot: One to Three Years

While opinions varied, the majority fell within what we’ll call the “sweet spot”, one to three years. This group believes love needs time to breathe and reveal itself. One respondent wrote:

“At least two to three years gives both parties enough time to really get to know each other. People tend to hide habits during early stages, but with this length, they’d surely let their guard down.”

Another added,

“This period gives both parties enough chances to grow emotionally, learn how to handle disagreements, and see if they’re truly compatible beyond the exciting early stage.”

In many cultures, this makes sense. One to three years often allows time for family introductions, cultural rites, and the small but important life tests that reveal character; the holiday fights, the tough months, the financial strain. This group believes that the ideal timeline is really about staying long enough to see each other through real life, not just the highlight reel.

The Long Game: Love That Waits

Still, a few people argued for the long haul, five years, six years, even eight. Their reasoning? Depth takes time. One respondent said:

“Six to eight years, so you can get to know the person well. But honestly, you can’t know everything about a person.”

To them, how long is too long to date is less about impatience and more about preparation. Maybe they’ve seen rushed relationships fall apart. Maybe they value the steady buildup that turns romance into partnership. In many traditional African settings, such long engagements aren’t rare; sometimes, love must wait for financial stability, career goals, or family approval.

When Waiting Starts To Feel Too Long

Of course, there’s a fine line between patience and procrastination. Sometimes, what started as “we’re waiting for the right time” slowly becomes an excuse. If you’ve been together for years and every talk about the future turns vague or uncomfortable, it might be time to pause and have hard conversations.

This is where the question of how long is too long to date becomes more than curiosity; it becomes a reality check. If your relationship feels stuck, if your goals are constantly shifting away from each other, or if you’re the only one bringing up commitment, you might not be waiting for the right time, but be waiting in vain.

“Anything outside that [two years] is screaming ‘I’m not sure of what I want’,” advised one person.

It’s not about setting deadlines or issuing ultimatums, but recognising emotional stagnation. Growth is the heartbeat of any relationship. If nothing is evolving, if you’re still having the same arguments, the same uncertainties, the same promises that never turn into plans, it might be time to ask whether this love relationship is moving forward or standing still.

Sometimes, love needs courage to either take the next step or walk away.

Beyond the Calendar: The Real Markers of Readiness

When it comes to love, no clock can tell you when to say “yes.” That’s why the question of how long is too long to date isn’t really about counting months or years, but recognising growth. Real readiness for engagement depends on emotional maturity, communication, and shared goals, not just time spent together.

Think about it: two people can date for three years and still struggle with trust or communication, while another couple might figure out their rhythm in a year because they’ve been intentional about building a solid foundation. The timeline only matters if the relationship is evolving.

The highest-rated response on this subject was the simplest:

“I think you should get married when you’re ready. It doesn’t matter how long or short the relationship is… Both people have to be on the same page, and it takes communication and discernment; just follow your gut.”

Some of these “real markers” are practical, too. Career goals, financial stability, and even academics play a huge role. For instance, couples who meet in university or while pursuing long professional degrees, like medicine, law, or engineering, often end up dating for six to eight years before getting engaged.

It’s not that they’re unsure about each other; life just demands patience. These couples juggle classes, internships, national service, or early career stages, and waiting becomes a natural part of the journey.

So before asking how long is too long to date or how long have we dated, ask yourself instead: are we growing together or just coasting? Do we communicate openly about the future? Are our goals aligned? Because when those boxes are ticked, time stops feeling like a countdown and starts feeling like preparation.

Signs You’re Ready for Engagement

Before saying “I do,” it’s important to know you’re truly ready and not just swept up in the idea of marriage. The best relationships aren’t built on timelines but on readiness. And readiness shows up quietly, in the way you love, plan, and communicate.

You know you’re ready when you both talk about the future with ease; finances, family, and personal goals don’t feel like awkward topics anymore. You’ve seen each other through hard seasons and learned how to handle conflict without tearing each other down. You share the same vision for what marriage means, and you both feel emotionally safe enough to be vulnerable.

In simple terms, how long is too long to date depends on when both partners reach this point of shared clarity and peace. It’s not about rushing or waiting forever, but knowing, deep down, that love has matured into commitment.

Photo: Pinterest